Stress!

I just feel beyond stressed lately, I'm having the hardest time dealing with everyday life.  And no, it's not PMS.  I just feel like there's too much going on all at once and I can't catch my breath.  Instead of trying to break it down into smaller chunks, I'm overwhelmed and just go and lay in bed.  I'm probably a poster child for depression, but with no health insurance, getting treatment is not even an option, and maybe that stresses me out and depresses me more!

February is a big month for us.  Garrett's birthday is the 1, our wedding anniversary is the 12, Payton's birthday is the 16 and mine is the 18th.  Throw valentines day in there, and yes, I'm financially done.  We also now have 2 close friends who kids birthday's are in feb, so add in 2 more birthday gifts, maybe you see why I'm stressed.  It's like Christmas all over again!!

We've come to the conclusion that we just can't buy much for the kids, we've done this the last 2 years and it's been ok.  We did get Garrett a gift, something he's been asking for, and we think he'll really like it, but we did not spend much.  I have no ideas for Payton yet, but it will be similar, something pretty inexpensive.  We are combining their birthday parties this year, in the hopes that it will help reduce our costs somewhat.  I have a lady coming with reptiles; snakes, lizards and turtles, she'll be here an hour and only costs $40!  I'm loving her!  It will def be more geared towards Garrett, but at 2, Payton just doesn't much care.  I do need to get some more party ideas nailed down, maybe that will relieve some stress.

Tonight, I'll be making "dirt cupcakes" for Garrett's class, we've opted to not do a goody bag, too many kids, too expensive.  Then we'll start on hand making some valentines, then I'll need to bake something for Payton's class and immediately turn around and get into party planning mode, the house party is just 3 days after her little class party.  Oh, and the 16th, her bday, we have to be in court, that is so fun :-(  I hate that I won't be with her on her bday, but we'll be home in time for dinner, so I think she'll be ok.

There's a ridiculous amount of paperwork that the attorney needs for our bankruptcy case, and not having  a fax has been an issue, but thanks to some great friends we have, I can stop by their office anytime and use their fax machine.  The kids seem to like going there, and everyone in the office loves on them and doesn't seem to mind us being there.  At least they aren't locking the stores screaming, she's here, again, lol.  But, that's just more stress.  Imagine getting going on a project and the attorney calls, he needs a certain document now, so we grab our things and rush out the door, usually the kids don't understand the urgency and I have one or 2 that are crying. 

The business is doing ok, it's still a pretty slow time of year, but there's all kinds of new things, w-2's, filing business taxes, setting up new accounts for tax purposes (per the bankruptcy trustee), it's just a lot.  If my kids were in daycare all day, everyday it'd probably be ok, but I have to work around their schedules and make sure I have snacks and drinks, diapers, toys, etc.

Seriously, is it March yet?!?!?  I want a vacation from my head! 

Diapers!

Payton has been a bit anti-diaper lately.  It's small things here and there, she has learned how to remove her pants, so why not the diaper too?!?!  Most of the time, this is not a big deal, and 99% of the time, I'm aware of what she's doing and I let her.  Friday, we were playing and she wondered into her bedroom, I encourage her to play by herself but I peak in regularly.  She wasn't in her room long and she came back into the living room, I didn't think much of it, until a short while later when she came in climbed up in my lap and I realized she had no diaper on, lol!  The little stinker had gone in her room, taken off her diaper and pulled her pants back up! 
But, Saturday night, she took her pj bottoms and diaper off and then went to sleep!  When I went in to get her Sunday morning, there was pee everywhere!  She was laying in it, as were her blanket, pillow and stuffed animals, plus the bumper was soaked.  So, everything went into the wash and she got a bath.  I was worried her stuffed giraffe wasn't going to survive, it has a music box in it, but it was soaked, it was a chance we'd have to take.  Everything survived and looks much better, although the giraffe isn't working right and if she doesn't accept this soon, we may have to buy a new one. 
But, nap time, oh, she's lucky she's cute!!!  I ran down the street to my friend Stefani's, Garrett was playing there and I went to bring him home.  We were chatting and laughing about how lucky we were she hadn't tried to remove a poopy diaper.  She must have been smearing poop all over herself as I was talking about it!!  When I got home, I was shocked she was still sleeping, it had been 3 hours, so I went in to wake her up and the smell stopped me short.  Matt was right behind me and he started gagging, I really thought he wasn't going to make it.  She was covered in it!!!  So, she got a shower, this time she wasn't so happy, she cried for most of the shower, and all the bedding went back into the wash, I opened her window, sprayed the room with air freshener, wiped down the crib and lysoled it.  I am glad it wasn't smeared on the drapes or the wall, but man was that a chore!!  So, at bedtime, i duct taped her diaper on, she was not able to remove it.  She's napping now, with a duct taped diaper, I'm hoping it worked!  I am seriously tired of washing her bedding!!

Photo Book

I'm not going to lie, this was not an original idea by me, I stole it from someone else.  But, I've been struggling for a couple years now on what to do with all our pictures.  I love taking pictures of the kids, we have a good camera, so I use it, a lot.  But, we never have the money to buy the albums to put all those pictures in, plus they take up so much room.  Then the other day I read on someone else's blog on how they made a photo book and I thought, genius!  They used My Publisher, and the idea of moving all my pictures to another website just didn't appeal to me, so I am making one on Kodak.  It's where my pictures get uploaded to, so it was easy.  Is it the cheapest option, no, probably not, but again, spending hours upon hours, moving all my pictures from flash drives to another website makes me not want to do this at all!  In just a few hours, I've put together all of 2011 pictures, plus captions!  I love some captions, so you don't forget who all the kids were you invited to the 4th bday party.  I am not completely done with it, but it's coming along quite nicely, and I'm pretty excited about it.  I am going to wait and see if I get a coupon, right now it's pretty expensive - $100.  I figure I probably spent at least that on all the pictures and albums the year Garrett was born, so I don't think it's a stretch, but spending it all at once is a bit much.  But, Kodak saves your projects forever, so I'll be patient and wait for a sale or a coupon.  I am pretty excited though!  I can't wait to work on some past years ones.  Because i've always used Kodak, ALL of our pictures are on there, our first house, our wedding, Garrett's baby pictures, Payton's baby pictures, etc.  Can you tell I'm excited :-)

Hands-free

A friend posted this blog about a woman going hands free, I read it, thought it was nice, pushed it to the back of my mind.  Then I started to notice how much I really do use my phone.  How it's constantly with me, always in my back pocket, it's my security blanket.  I always make sure I have it, Garrett - check, Payton - check, phone - check.  You get the picture.  I also noticed that my kids were acting up a lot when I was using it.  And then my husband started mentioning it.  I realized I had a problem.  So, I'm going hands free.  Sadly, not all the time.  I do help Matt with the business so I can't just ignore it, but I'm making a concentrated habit to put it aside.  If I'm playing with the kids, I leave it in my pocket, or on the counter.  I don't glance at it every time I get a text, or if I do, I check to see if it's Matt, if it isn't, I put it away, everyone else can wait.  He has his own ring tone, so unless he calls, I tend to let it go to VM and I'll call people back later.  But, honestly, he's about the only person who ever does call.  I just text, a lot.  I'm home, alone, all day, with one to 2 kids, it's not a lot, but sometimes I'd like to talk to someone who doesn't growl like a dinosaur or just repeat everything I say. And, I'm embarrassed to say, the first few days were really hard!  Harder then I ever expected.  Harder then I wanted to admit.  But, it's been about a week now, and I don't miss it as much.  I do text like crazy before they wake up, while they are napping (or having quiet time), and after they go to bed.  So, maybe I'm not "cured", but I do feel like I'm spending more quality time with the kiddos and I've seen some much better behavior, esp from Garrett.  Even Matt has commented on it, in a good way.  And, in the evenings, after the kids go to bed, I do put it away too.  He does go to bed before me, so that's when I get it back out again.  Some days are better then others, sad, isn't it?!?! 
But, I challenge you, can you go totally hands free?!?!

Potty Training

I am in denial, I'll admit it, she's not even 2 yet!!  Maybe I'm a bit gun shy because Garrett was so hard to train, and he was 3 before it kicked in, but every chance she gets she's sitting on the potty.  She's told us a few times that she has to or has just pooped.  I guess I need to accept the truth that maybe she's just more ready then I am.  And why am I not ready/  I just hate the every 15 minute check to see if they are wet, using the bathroom at every store, being scared to drive too far for fear of accidents, I'm just not in any rush.  I know it would save me a ton of money, but I'm just not ready!  The one thing I have noticed is she does not ask to go potty.  She will sit on it if you ask or anytime we are in the bathroom, but she does not say, momma, pee pee, or anything along those lines.  So, I am still not sure she really is ready.

With Garrett, we just bought him underwear and let him wear those, because I'm not sure Payton gets it yet, I was going to buy some of these rubber training pants I saw at Target, but they are enormous!  I took one look at them in the package and put them back, they honestly looked like they'd fit me, not her tiny little size 2T bum! Garrett and I compared them to the regular 2T panties and there was a vast difference!  I may go back and take a picture because I was just stunned that they could even be called 2T!  so, I'm undecided for now, I think pull ups are kind of a waste, they are just expensive diapers, but I hate the wet pants that go with the potty training, esp in the winter and if she's really not ready.  So, we'll see.  But, I did get a very cute picture of her sitting on the big potty checking out a magazine, it's great!

Reading

Garrett, the kid who refused to recite the alphabet this summer and didn't know how to count to 20, is now reading!!  Hats off to Ms MiMi, she knows what she's doing.  He now counts to 100, it's not perfect, but it's pretty close.  He knows about 90% of his letters, he does get a few confused, but hey, he's not even 5 yet.  But, I am beyond thrilled that he is reading!  He's been doing it for a little over a week now, and in that very short amount of time, he's improved tremendously.  I couldn't be more proud!  I can tell that MiMi focuses more on reading, whereas some of our friends kids are doing more writing.  I'm not worried, I know it'll all even out in the long run.  We took a little video of him reading last night, but it was with Matt's phone and I don't know that I can transfer that on here, but I'll try.  I also did a little voice recording and man is it cute, he loves to listen to himself reading. 

Naked

Imagine my surprise when I walked in to Payton's room to wake her up and she was sound asleep and naked!  Her diaper was flung in one corner of the crib, her pj's in the other and she was laying in a huge wet spot, sound asleep.  This was on the coldest night of the year we've had so far. It's obvious the heater in her room works!  I'm guessing she stripped everything off shortly after I laid her down, because her diaper was almost perfectly dry.  I don't believe we'll be using one piece sleepers anymore!!

Escapee

As I've mentioned previously, Payton is a good sleeper, she's also a great climber.  I promise you, she does not sit still.  I know a lot of people say this about their kids, but she literally does not stop moving, she'll even squat when I attempt to read stories, so she can get moving faster.  And, I give her no juice, she does not need any.

Yesterday, she had been napping about 2 hours when I heard her, she normally sleeps 2.5-3, so I figured she'd just doze back off and it did get quiet again, so i assumed she had.  nope, I think she was busy climbing out of her crib!!  About 15 minutes after I heard her the first time, I heard her again, she was kind of whining/crying.  Again, I figured I'd leave her be and see if she fell back to sleep.  I gave her about 15 minutes, but she wasn't calming down, so I went to get her up.  I opened the door and was a bit shocked, she was not in her crib!  She was in her toy bin, which was right next to her crib.  when she saw me she got quite upset, I'm not sure if she thought she was about to be in trouble or just realized how stuck she was.  She had one leg in and one leg out, but was facing the wall, so she just couldn't get her self out.  I paused for a fraction of a second while I debated snapping a quick phone picture, but I wasn't sure if she was hurt, so I rushed to her and rescued her.  She clung to me for a few minutes, crying pretty hard.  I could not find a single injury on her, I think she was just scared.  How she got out of the crib and into that bin is still a mystery to me!  It is right next to her crib, but I just don't know how she did it.  A few people have said it might be time to move her out of the crib, for now I'm just going to move the toy bin.  I am not ready for her to be in a bed yet!!

Bedtime

I think every family has their bedtime rituals and no two are probably alike.  I am thoroughly amazed at how different our routine is with my two kids!  Garrett we have to read 2 stories and sing 2 songs, every night.  Payton on the other hand, wants to be laid down and left alone.  I'm pretty sure Garrett would still let me rock him every night, Payton wants nothing to do with that rocking chair (makes me sad, isn't your last one supposed to be a big cuddler?!?!?)  Anyways, as we walk into Payton's room, I always ask for a kiss, then one more, then one more, etc.  The other night, I put her in her crib and usually she just lays right down, but on this night, she stood there reaching for me, and she said "One more, momma".  My heart burst, how cute is that?!?!?!

Apparently, I also always rub the top of her head and say Good night, sweet dreams.  I didn't even realized I did this, but Matt and Garrett verified it.  One night, I guess I didn't, and as I got to the door, she kept calling momma, momma.   I walked back to the crib, and she was rubbing her head saying, "night-night".  So, I leaned over and rubbed the top of her head and said Good night, sweet dreams, and she rolled right over.  Again, my heart just swelled.  She is just such a little cutey to me!!

Playtime

When Garrett is in school on Monday's and Friday's, Payton and I get to rack up some very quality one-on-one play time.  Of course, I also am trying to do dishes and fold laundry and cook meals, etc.  But, yesterday she was really begging for some attention, so I put the laundry aside and we sat down to play dolls, so I thought.....

Her favorite non-toy "toy" right now are wipes, so I gave her a wipe to use on her baby doll, and before I knew it, she had pulled my shirt up, in the back, and was trying to wipe my bum!!  And I will admit, those wipes are COLD!  Thankfully, she didn't get anymore then my lower back, but she was quite proud of herself, lol.  Then she ran into the kitchen and grabbed the comb, again, I thought she was going to comb her baby dolls hair, Nope, she wanted to comb mine.  Of course, I had gone with the curly hairstyle and just put gel in it and put it in a pony tail, so combing it was pretty painful for me, but it was still a good laugh.  Then she had me lay down and we went "night-night" together.  I love seeing her learn and mimic us.  You think they aren't really paying attention, but they are!

Cuteness

I'm trying to jot things down that happen daily so I can blog more about it, of course, I'm failing miserably, but this happened the other night and was just SO dang cute!!

Payton is a good sleeper, a great sleeper in fact, but every once in a while she wakes up 30 min or even an hour after we lay her down, she cries a bit, then goes right back to sleep.  The other night, this is exactly what happened.  Garrett was playing in our room so he heard her cry.  I was dong dishes and I heard him singing, I peaked in my room and he was standing by the monitor singing Twinkle, Twinkle, Little Star to her.  Now, what he doesn't know is that she can't hear him, of course, she settled right down and went back to sleep.  He came running and told me he sang her back to sleep.  I will not ever tell him that she couldn't hear him.  It was just SO cute!!

No sugar challange

Matt's been complaining a lot about his weight lately, so Monday night, I challenged him to a week of no sugar.  I am usually not a huge sweets person but with the holidays there were lots of yummy cookies, pies, brownies, chocolate treats, etc, so I was getting into a bad habit of snacking a ton.  We also had a lot more white bread, and pasta then we normally do.
I figured this challenge would be pretty easy, I was wrong!  I made it through day 1 ok, maybe because it was new and I was motivated.  Matt did not fair so well day one, he felt sick, had a horrible headache and before dinner decided going cold turkey was not working for him.  He consumes a ton of soda and a LOT more sugary stuff then I do.  So, he had some crackers and some frosted mini wheats, but that was it. 
Day 2 wasn't too bad, we both did really well.  I'm realizing that my "bad" time of the day is right after lunch, or about the time I lay the kids down, that's when I want to snack or grab a cookie, or a handful of M&M's, or a carmel hershey kiss or a rolo, you get the hint.  But, we both made it through day 2 with no sugary stuff and no white bread or pasta.
Day 3 suddenly got hard!  I saw a post on fb about hot chocolate and thought, oh that sounds good, then as I was getting it out, I remembered that has sugar :-( so I put it back.  Garrett was extra whiney so I was really craving my chocolate snack after lunch I felt i deserved it! but, somehow I made it through the day.......I thought!  When I woke up on day 4 I realized we ended up eating a frozen pizza for dinner and the crust was not whole wheat :-(  But, I'm not beating myself up, it was not an intentional slip up, so I'm going to get back on track today and hope I don't have any more accidents!
As for wt loss, I lost 2.5 pounds, then gained a half back (probably from the pizza), I'd like to lose 1 more, that would put me back to pre holiday wt.  I knew the 3 pounds I had gained weren't a serious gain, it was probably too much food and too many drinks over the holidays, it was all sitting in my belly, and now it's gone :-)
4 days to go, I can do this!  Oh, and Matt has pretty much given up, he's cut WAY back on his sugar and his snacking and I think that was his ultimate goal, so he feels like he had some success.

New Year's Resolutions

I've decided not to go the resolution route this year.  They always seem to revolve around my weight and stuff I can't really keep, so this year I'm making some goals for myself.

1) spent more time on me - this doesn't mean going to the spa and spending a ton of money, this means, painting my nails, getting up early enough to shower, blow drying my hair, putting on make up, etc.  Not for anyone except me.  If I feel "pretty" I think it will help me be more confident and maybe be happier and in turn my kids will be happy and confident.  I'm not talking about getting all dressed up, just taking a few minutes every morning for me.

2)be more content with what we have - I'm not a huge shopper and like I've said before our money issues are not from us going crazy buying things, but I'm always saying I hate my phone, I want a laptop, or photoshop or to go on vacations.  The fact is, until I get a seriously well paying job or the business makes a major turnaround, those things aren't going to happen, so I need to be more content with what we have and make these things work for us.

3)do one home improvement/decorating project a month - again, money is tight, so I will budget for these things, use coupons, watch for sales, do things as I can.  But, I'm learning I can do a lot of these things myself, so time to get off my butt and do them.  A lot of the things I want to do are cheap, painting the front door, for example.  I  just need to do it.

4)go to church more - I go to bible study religiously, I never miss a class.  This is kind of selfish though, it's free daycare and gets us out of the house, but the truth is, I like going, I like learning about God and asking myself tough questions, and understanding the bible more.  But, this year I want to be more involved in the church.  This is a struggle usually, because I'm catholic and Matt is baptist.  This year I don't much care, we are both Christian, if Matt will go with me and he will only go to Central, then we'll go.  To me, church is church, right?  I'm sure some don't agree, but I am thankful that my kids are growing up in a church and they will be introduced to both religions and they can choose when they get older.

5)be healthier - ok, I'm not going to lie, I'd like to lose 5 more pounds, but with money as tight as it is, buying the "healthy" groceries isn't always doable, but I'm going to try and focus more on eating healthy and less on wt loss, the weight will come off if we eat healthy.

These are in no particular order, but I'll check back every so often and see how I am doing.

New Year's Eve

This year we had no solid plans, but we had asked Matt's parents if the kids could spend the night and they agreed, so we knew we wanted to go out and do something.  Money is obviously tight, so we ate dinner at home with the kids, then dropped them off at the in-laws, came home and got dressed.  We knew we were going to go to a friends outdoor party, but also knew we wouldn't stay there too long, so dressing was an interesting issue.  What do you wear to an outdoor party that you can also wear to a nice bar??  I decided I just didn't care, and wore what I wanted.  I was probably overdressed for the outdoor party and under dressed for the bar, but I didn't care one bit.  The outdoor party was fine, but I knew no one, so we didn't stay long.  But then we couldn't seem to hook up with any of our friends :-(  In the end, it ended up not mattering one bit, Matt and I spent New Years Eve together and had a good time, and that's all that really matters!

The kids had a blast at their grandparents, they stayed up too late and got up early, so we all napped yesterday :-)  Ate junk food and laid around, it was a good day! 

Happy New Year's everyone!!